Monday, September 27, 2010

Schizophrenic Conversations

The following is a self analysis. Just thought I'll share with yall.

"so come inside my head with me" -Aaron Lewis "Schizophrenic Conversations"

How does one let go of themselves? Why does one continue to cling on with deathly grip to someone they no longer want to be?

We talk shit about embracing change but fear of it is embedded in every humans DNA. We long for stability, though most of us aren't deserving of it.

But this isn't about yall. I'm self-centered and this is about me. Selfish ass me.

Being selfish is a trait I've long ago admitted to but have yet to disregard its powerful grasp on my psyche. As I continue to grow & evolve I keep coming back to selfishness wondering "What's really wrong with that? Self-preservation ain't a bad thing to consider especially when consider your own feelings"

But you see how quickly and easily that happens? How quickly I doubt everything? This, unfortunately, is how my mind operates. My thoughts easily usurped by themselves. My brain is like the 3 branches of government without the checks & balances. Capable of vetoing & overriding anything it comes up no matter how beneficial it is to me & the people in my life I'm trying to shake this selfishness for.

So I ask you again: "How does one let go of themselves?"

Do I think too deeply? Am I worried about the wrong thing? Is this the early stages of insanity?

Maybe the problem is.........These are things I'm not meant to understand no matter how desperately I want to. Even though this is my mind, maybe I shouldn't dig so deep into it, or else you end up with more question then answers.

I can't lie, the fear of change has a grip on me. But the what if's, the how's, and the why's are the very things that stand in our way. Simply put, the answer to all those question is: Let it go. Do the opposite of what you would normally do in a situation where you feel those questions starting to place doubt in one's mind.

There I answered my own questions. Now can I follow my own advice, who knows. But I do know this, I'm not so crazy after all.